Please excuse typo's, spelling errors and other mistakes. My grammar was bad to begin with and now that I can post these from my phone...well... it's not going to improve.
For close to a year now there have been MANY more training sessions I didn't want to do, didn't like to do and certainly didn't enjoy.
I did them simply because that is just... what I do.
Over the years I have questioned why and have come up with different answers. As I have aged and lost limbs I have come up with even different answers and now some regrets. I guess this is what being a washed up meathead is all about.
Over the past three decades of training I have had many dry spells where I didn't make gains, didn't like to train but in all the years, all the mistakes, injuries and set backs I never wanted to quit. Ya, I missed some sessions, changed training days, created programs to better fit my life but never once in my life have I ever considered never training again.
Actually that thought alone scares the shit out of me.
The past few weeks are why I never quit. This has been without a doubt my longest dry spell of "not liking or wanting to train". I mean I really didn't want to train and had to force myself to get in 3-2 or 1 session per week. The last few weeks the passion to train has come back with a vengeance.
Whatever THIS is - IS why I TRAIN!
I am not my strongest, I am not my biggest, I am not my leanest, I am not holding more muscle than I ever have. I'm not even sure I give a shit about any of that right now. I used to think these things were "driving forces" why I trained. I always knew they were not the main reason. I know that is simply because I am just wired this way, but I did think they mattered. Now I know they don't.
They way I feel when I am training right now I can't define nor do I care to. It's mine and I freakin' love it! Now as I move forward I will work toward one of the goals listed but not because I have to, or because of some major reason. It will be because I want to. I don't "need" to reach any of these goals. I will "want" to. I have nothing to prove to anyone and I have known that for years but I think now I am finally beginning to see I have nothing to prove to myself. This is not about validation or needing to be better or push harder. It about wanting to do what I love to do.
I have always been told in business a man in need is a despite one who will make stupid and unwise moves, while a man who wants is the one who will last the longest and make smarter moves. Perhaps training is the same. Maybe this is what being a Washed Up Meathead is supposed to be.
Who the hell knows? After 35 years I'm still trying to figure this out.
I guess when most of my best work is done at this desk... need I really say more?
The older I get the more I realize I simply like the WORK more than Making Teh Gainzz!!
Hell, I'd say the workouts I dont want to do (they are rare, but I'm sure they wont be as rare when I get to where you are in my life) are the ones that are the REAL TEST... Can I keep the commitment even when I dont want to. Can I muster the strength to test myself and push myself when I dont feel like it?
Anyone can hit the weights when its fun and easy, but doing it when its the hardest and you would rather be doing anything else is probably what the real test is.