Perfection

The older we get, the wiser we become. We reach a point where maturity, past experiences, and growth catch up to us and we see things differently.

Think back to high school... or maybe even college. Have you ever heard a guy say "You're the perfect girl. You're so perfect." Or maybe a boss says "You're the perfect employee." Or maybe your kids' teacher says, "You're the perfect parent." And while it might make us feel good for a second, we end up subconsciously trying to live up to those perfect standards. I know, I've tried that.

But have you ever had someone say, "Guess what... you're not perfect and I'm not either. But I love you and care for you despite those imperfections."  THAT feels good. That even though someone may see me mess up or see my flaws, they stand by me regardless.

The fitness industry is a tricky field, as I'm sure there are other industries that are similar as well. It's an industry in which the "experts" have a face. Their voice, articles, pictures and work is put out there for all to see.  And 99% of what people see online and at conferences and workshops are the positive aspects of their life - job, clients, training, seminars.

Well, I'm here to tell you something. Just because what you SEE looks to be great (and perhaps those aspects of their lives are) doesn't mean everything is great. Nor does it mean that the tough times are kept hidden because they are trying to APPEAR perfect.

I will admit, growing up I had a sense of "perfect" to live up to. Blame it on the way I was raised or the subconscious things that were in my head.  I didn't want anyone to see my flaws, my struggles, my imperfections. The older I got, the harder is was to keep trying to live up to those standards. And why was I so afraid of letting other people see my imperfections?  Frankly, it became exhausting.

I have made plenty of mistakes - in my jobs, in my training, in my relationships, and in parenting. I don't claim to be the perfect mom. I don't claim to be the perfect coach. I don't even claim to be the perfect client either. Nor do I equate myself to a superhero status. Let's face it, I love superheroes (hello wonder woman), but liking them doesn't make me one. Just as me loving ice cream doesn't make me the owner of an ice cream parlor. (Oh wait... that might actually be awesome.)

My point being here... I understand that what I do and what people see is merely a fraction of who I am.  It's taken me a long time to be ok with my imperfections and something I'm still working on.

"In addition to the fear of disappointing people or pushing them away with our stories, we're also afraid that if we tell our stories, the weight of a single experience will collapse upon us. There is a real fear that we can be buried or defined by an experience that, in reality, is only a sliver of who we are." 

This isn't meant to be a self-righteous post. It's not meant to be a "See, look at Julia, she's so perfect she even admits her imperfections." Haha, hardly it. But if I know that I'm struggling with these things, I know others are too. I see it daily in emails from clients and across social media.  My hope in writing this is because I see and work with so many people, especially women, who are too hard on themselves and I know feel the same way when it comes to their own lives, bodies and relationships.

"Sacrificing who we are for the sake of what other people think just isn't worth it."

Learning to be yourself... truly yourself... takes time. It starts with a few select people in which you can share your strengths and struggles. When you find that person, it's freeing. Our "stories" (those strengths and struggles) are not meant for everyone though. Some things are meant to be dealt with and handled on a personal level. And in an industry like this one, where we put on our "face" and smile for the camera, we can still learn to be truly authentic, be ourselves, and LOVE ourselves... not to be perfect or appear perfect... but to deliver our gifts and talents in a way that can help others.

"Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame, It's a shield. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from taking flight."

Letting go of the idea of being what we think others want us to be is an amazing feeling. It's about "cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable." And when we realize that EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD comes from the same strength and struggles, we have a little more compassion toward others when they show their imperfections.

"Authenticity demands wholehearted living and loving - even when it's hard, even when we're wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we're afraid to let ourselves feel it. Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy and gratitude into our lives."

Life is funny sometimes. It's hard. It's challenging, and some days I wonder when the struggles will end. But then I remember many of these things. Having a BFF that allows me to be myself, walk by me, keep me grounded and also challenge me makes all the difference in the world. No judgment, no pretending to be someone else, no worrying about what others will think. Just. Being. Us.

And because of that, I am happy.

(Quotes taken from Brene Brown's "Gifts of Imperfections." And I will admit, it took me almost 72 hours to hit the publish button on this one.)