Reality Check, Steroids, and My Wife's Intuition

Reality. The reality about REALITY is that nobody really wants to know what reality really is. Everyone wants to squat 1,000 lbs but NOBODY wants to know what it feels like to have 1,000 lbs on your back, much less the training cycle that leads you up to that or the decade(s) of training before that! Everyone likes watching The Olympics and seeing that Gold Medal winner up on the podium, tears coming down their face as their National Anthem plays but nobody wants to know The Reality of everything that they have given up to get there. Nobody wants to know what that feels like.

Reality for me mostly revolves around my health. The Realities here are that I'm sick every single day AND nobody really wants to know about it. The more that I talk about it the more people send me messages that say "You are a real inspiration to me" and the less that they see me as a coach with an oddly brilliant coaching mind. Every time I mention things like my memory loss, an inability to walk most days, and constant vomiting and diarrhea, someone will tell me how tough that I am to do all of that, raise a family, and still make progress in the gym but nobody wants to hear the deatails. The Reality. It simply is bad for business.

The Reality of any business is that IMAGE is huge! The image that your business shows to the potential customers is what determines your success or failure and my coaching business is "on-line". Over the past 2 years I have struggled physically so I've pushed my research ties and been a major player in two major research projects dealing with chemical use and athletes. Not only has it put food on my table but I've learned so much during that time as well. As I shift back to Coaching THE REALITY is that every time I start breaking Personal Records and looking better my business does better. Every time I get sick and have to back down on things and I lose a few pounds, business goes down.

I need to improve my image or my business will fail.

A couple of weeks ago I had an extremely emotional time with myself and it lead me to sending a series of text messages to my wife looking for ideas, or acceptance, or I'm not really sure. I had to exhaust every option that I have in order to run a successful business, for both my family and for myself!

I had determined that I was going to greatly increase the doses of every compound that I've been prescribed to help with my wasting disease and use it for performance enhancement. See, I have not only a great knowledge of chemicals but I also know how to use them long-term, safely, and how to make constant long-term progress with them. I had found my answer till my wife stopped me in my tracks. Now, she has never told me not to. In fact, she encourages me to do whatever makes me happy even if it means our family time suffers a little bit. She has never questioned my Anabolic use as she trusts me to make the best decisions for myself and for my family but...

"Is that going to make you happier?"

Well, more business does equal more money. I thought that I had my answer.

"Do you like it?" At this point I wasn't SURE what she was getting at but she has never EVER said anything like this to me. The fact is that I like working with only a few CHALLENGING athletes and doing an awesome job with them 365 days per year, AND having a lot of time to spend with my family like I am doing now. Two years ago I was working 60-70 hours per week with clients and while I had more money than I knew how to spend I didn't have time to spend time with my family or to take care of myself.

So I made a list of things that we need that require more money.

-Cars need repair and both have A/C problems
-I want to increase my protein intake
-I'd like to increase my protein powder intake as well as a few other supplements
-There are medications that I SHOULD be using but I can't afford to buy them

My wife eventually stopped messaging me and waited till she got home so that she could explain it to me clearly.

1) I like spending time with my family and on myself more than I like spending money
2) Training is a HUGE part of my life, sometimes the biggest part of my life and I will not always be HUGE and STRONG so if potential clients can't see past that, they don't need to be working with me anyways. If they can't see my struggle as something that makes me an even better coach, then I don't need to be working with them.
3) I enjoy designing Individualized Training Programs for each and every client. I don't like cookie cutter programs and I can't believe that people pay money for them from their coach.
4) I enjoy videography, especially when it comes to my training videos! I've been posting videos online for people to view since 1999 and they are designed for my own personal use. On top of the concept that I use the videos to coach myself and to study what I am doing correct and incorrect, I also enjoy setting up the shot, using lights, multiple cameras, and creating a good final product! This has nothing to do with the satisfaction of any viewer other than myself.

Her final point was the one that stuck with me though...

5) If I spend all of my time doing only what makes me happy, I will be successful. Success will find me.

I worked all night that night and through the next day. I designed more than 10 programs that week for individual clients, edited and posted my most complex and quality video that I've ever posted, and I had more fun with my wife and children than I can imagine!

The Reality is that I have to deal with my health issues and every single potential client has to understand WHY they are hiring an on-line coach. Is it because of their Instagram photo or is it because they get a coach that is committed to giving them the best individualized results possible? The Reality is that I have to become better at doing the things that I love in order to be happy, not to become better at doing the things that I don't love in order to be more unhappy.