So, on this Father's day, I wanted to reflect on the last few weeks. As you may know, I am no longer the Director of Education at Elitefts. This was a ultimately a very difficult decision for me and it has been bittersweet. I see it for me as the best of both worlds. I get to participate in my true calling, my vocation, as a catholic elementary teacher. A position that I wholeheartedly believe God put me in. In addition, Dave still allows me the opportunity to write for Elitefts and stay connected to the community of coaches I truly love and respect.
Being a teacher means I have the summer off. And when I say off, I mean I have the three girls. I refuse to call it babysitting, because they are my kids. You don't babysit your own kids. Also, you hear being a stay-at-home mom or dad is a "full-time-job." Well, I would disagree with that as well. Spending time with your kids is not "work" and you don't clock in or out of being a parent.
So besides a few professional development commitments, religious certification, and my feeble attempts of getting strong again; I do not return to work until mid-to-late August. For the simple-minded dolts that feel teachers should not have the summers off have never been in a classroom before. For our (and the kid's) sanity, the summer is a necessary break. Although, for some students, the school year may be the only structure, safe place, and guaranteed meal that they can bank on which is no longer a reality in the summer.
If you have ever met my daughters (or have seen them recently) you know it is "game-time" from the moment they wake up until they tell us what they are going to dream about. They have strong personalities and high energy (like all children under the age of 7).
Between the swim lessons, gymnastics, basketball and soccer camps, Bexley and Columbus Libraries, Columbus Metro Parks, The Bexley Pool, COSI, The Columbus ZOO, The Columbus Museum of Art, Columbus Commons, Scioto Mile, and every playground in the 614; we have an itinerary every day.
Failing to plan is planning to fail. - Alan Lakein
Packing for a 6yo, 3yo, and an 8mo. old child is not something that comes easy for scatterbrains like myself. If not for my wife helping me pack or walking me through the checklists, I would forget the bare-essentials. So, last Friday looked like...
- 10:30am - Gymnastics in Upper Arlington
- 11:45 - Kids Activities/ Picnic at Columbus Commons
- 2pm - Home for Naps
- 3:30pm - LEGO Stations at the Bexley Library
- 6:00pm - Saint Mary Magdalene Church Festival
Now, the most crucial time is from the time the kids wake-up (between 730-830am) and when we leave. Planning naps, bottles, breakfast and convincing stubborn children that they don't necessarily need to hear the same directions 23 times before taking action is something I am finding a challenge.
You find yourself acting and talking like a maniac and even your children start to figure out that something is "off" about you during the morning "routine" Once I have the children in the car, my stress level plummets regardless of where we're going. But, up until that time....
"Children are born with a sense of wonder and an affinity for Nature." - Zenobia Barlow
So, Blendon Woods Metro Park is having a program on exploring and finding wildlife in creeks and streams that starts at 10:00am on Thursday. My wife thinks I'm crazy, but she helps me pack lunches and extra clothes for the girls. Diaper bag, clothes bag, lunch box, kid carrier: all packed. Now, all I have to do is feed each girl breakfast, get myself ready, give Quinn a bottle, lay her down for a nap, get the girls dressed, teeth brushed, and hair brushed. No problem.
Then I look at the clock. It's 9:30am. Quinn is still sleeping, the girls are wearing princess dresses with their hair looking like bird's nests. My stress level rises and I find my self saying this in a loud authoritative voice to my children:
There is an educational program that's only 25 minutes away and we are going to find some damn salamanders! Now get in the car!
Now, we may have gotten there as the group has hiking down to the creek and I may have needed to set my baby on the ground so I can untangle the kid carrier while my older two are yelling, "Dad, they're leaving without us!" But, in the end, I took a deep breath, gave Quinn a bottle on the hike down, got to the creek, the girls got soaked, caught a beetle and a snail, and overall, had a blast.
Is taking my kids all over Columbus to experience as much as possible important to me? Yeah, you can say that. Way more important that me fearing of looking like an idiot. It's not a contest to see who is the most organized parent. In the end, it's not other parents that I am trying to impress, it's my own kids I'm trying to impact.
That being said, I have a lot to learn on being a dad. But, hopefully, the following list will help other dads to simply be themselves.
The Be the Best Dad you can Be List
The Essentials
Make sure you always have all of your kids with you. So, if you fathered three children, make sure you always have three... of your own children... with you.
When they have to go potty, there are four different ages, three are good:
- The diaper age. Take them in the men's room and change their diaper
- The "need help on the potty" age. Take them in the men's room, wipe off the potty seat, set them on the potty. Make sure they wipe.
- The "I can go by myself" age. Stand outside the women's room. Crack open the door and yell, "You ok?" if they are taking too long.
- The in-between stage 2 & 3 age. This is when they can't go by themselves but won't go in the men's room because they are girls age. This is when you either A.) depend on older sibling or B.) Knock on the women's room door, have older sibling guard the door, and use the women's room as in stage 2. This becomes very awkward and often requires you to straddle halfway inside and outside of the women's room once said older sibling refused to no longer cooperate.
This is all complicated when one of the children has an irrational fear of automatic flushers.
A Group Effort
Allowing older siblings to help and encouraging older sibling to help with their sisters are two very unique and different problems. This is walking a fine line between curtailing aggressive affection techniques and establishing dominance over younger siblings. For example, my oldest volunteered to put sunscreen on my youngest. I observed here evenly distribute the product on her legs and felt comfortable enough to look away. When I looked back, the baby had sunscreen pasted on from her eyebrows to the back of her head. Good initiative, Questionable Technique.
No Judgement Zone
Here is the one piece of advice that may help you the most. You are a dude with multiple children in a public place. You are off the hook. Most people are looking at you saying, "Oh, look at that poor man with all those children. What a great dad."
Now, if your wife brought your children to a public place with uneven pigtails, mismatched outfits, shoes on the wrong feet and allowing the behavior that you think is cool; she would be judged harshly by the "got-it-together" moms. (some call them mom's who don't work, but I'll just stop there). But, you! You are great at being a dad for the simple fact you are spending time with your children without your wife. For some dads, just leaving the house is enough to be awarded dad of the year.
My advice to you is to not buy into this adult version of a participation trophy. Someone tells you, you are a great dad, be gracious, but stop to wonder what are the other dads doing to make you look like you have got it together.
You see, sometimes being a good dad is as simple as it gets. Here's the real list:
1. Treat their mom like a queen in front of them, yet still act like a king. The way you treat others (especially women) is how they will learn how they should be treated. What kind of woman do you want them to grow up to be? Find models they can look up to.
2. Put the phone down. Make eye contact. Listen to what they are babbling about. They won't remember half of what you said but will remember every time you didn't hear what they said.
3. Do things for them no one else will do. Some call this spoiling, or enabling, or making them weak. Look, they are going to have enough people treating them like crap. You can prepare them for the rest of their lives by showing them the effort it takes to empower others. Be their hero by never denying them your time.
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