The Long Goodbye.

Today’s Log is about the Long Goodbye and why it sucks. I was going to write a log today about why Weighted Pushups are better than the Bench Press, but I have changed my mind due to things that have happened this week. And I am sorry for two articles about this in two weeks.

The Long Goodbye. It really is one of the worst things we can experience. Do you know what it is? 

I do, having been through it.

The Long Goodbye is when a loved one goes through an extended period of illness and you know they are going to die, but you just don’t know when. It might be today or it might be a week, a month, a year. It’s a slow and agonizing process.

You feel horrible, not as bad as your suffering loved one, but they may not even realize it as they go through it depending on what their illness is. 

The Long Goodbye can tear families apart or bring them together.

The Long Goodbye is far worse than a quick one.

At least for me. I know. I’ve been through both.

And I learned from both.

I’ll share what I learned from my experience with the Long Goodbye in hope it helps two of my very dear friends, one like a son, the an almost lifelong friend. They and their family are at the end of a very Long Goodbye with a family member whose health and  mind suffered for an extended period of time.

They lost their loved one yesterday and I have so much sadness for them I can’t explain.

So, getting to what I have learned about it is that while it is going on, we need patience with the family member, especially if they don’t have their faculties anymore.

• We need to have patience with other family members as we all process grief differently. Some internalize, and some externalize. Those who externalize may take their grief out on others unintentionally.
• We need to support our other loved ones who are also grieving, especially if they are externalizing their grief.  
• We need to visit our sick lived one as much as possible because they need you, and you may not get another chance to see them.
• We need to celebrate their strength and their life while they are still here. Try to remember them as they were, not as they are now.
• And we need to celebrate their life and all of the joy they brought us after they have passed.

I am sorry for my friends and their family as they suffered along with their loved one through all of this, but happy that they can now grieve and do their best to get on with life without such an important person still here.

One last thing to remember, the lost loved one will always be with you if you remember them. Never let the memoires of their strengths die. If you do this they will always be with you.

Next week, see why weighted pushups are better than the bench press. This week, tell your loved ones what they mean to you in case you have a Short Goodbye.     

Did you miss last week’s log?

Read it here.

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Vincere vel mori

C.J. Murphy

August 25, 2022