Fear, doubt, and insecurity.
At times, they hit us like a ton of bricks. The weight of self-doubt, both conscious and unconscious, can drive us down with the weight of the world.
Those who are self-aware may even recognize the maximal load placed on them by their own fears and doubts. At times they are very confident, but the underlying fears and doubts that live in the depths of their soul will surely rise to the surface at one point or another.
Those who are oblivious to their younger selves living inside of them are crawling with insecurity. It’s too painful to cope with, so it’s buried deep down inside, only to crush them with force over the course of their lives. It’s never dealt with or discussed, so deeper their fears and self-doubt get pushed.
Our society has led us to believe that financial gain and living the American Dream are what’s important. So, we focus on school, work, and climbing the ladder. If you’re lucky, you get to spend an hour or two with your family every day. But even when you do, you’re not present. The thought of tomorrow’s work or the emails flooding your inbox occupies your mind.
It keeps you awake at night and diverts you from enjoying quality time with the people you love.
You’re stressed about work, you’re stressed about not sleeping, and you have regret about not being fully present during the time you spend with your loved ones.
The deep-rooted fears, doubts, and insecurities, combined with the stress from your day-to-day work, leads to extreme anxiousness and feelings of being overwhelmed. The last thing on your mind is working out or eating well, so you shovel whatever crap you can find down the hole under your nose.
Your physical health is declining. Your mental health is declining. Panic attacks begin to arise along with your blood pressure and waistline.
The decline of your health leads to more stress and feelings of being overwhelmed, so you go see a doctor to do something about this. You find out that your blood pressure and cholesterol are high, and you discuss with your doctor that you’re anxious and can’t sleep.
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Rather than finding the root cause of the issues, you’re prescribed sleep meds, anxiety meds, blood pressure meds, and let’s not forget about your high cholesterol. You need something for that, too!
You begin your cocktail of medications after leaving the pharmacy, but you take no action on the laundry list of problems you’ve buried inside of you. Over time, you realize that you feel unfulfilled in your life. Add that to the physiological effects that medications have on your mind and you are now suffering from depression.
But no worries—there’s a pill for that too!
Sadly, this is a reality for many Americans. We work our asses off because that’s what we’re supposed to do, but we pay very little mind to our health. Very few actually address the underlying issues that have held them back in their lives.
Why is that?
Why are we so quick to pretend that we are okay and bury the shit that eats us alive inside? Why are we so quick to toss a pill down our throats rather than eating well and exercising?
Is it because as a whole we are always looking for a quick fix? The easy way out?
That’s certainly part of it.
But I believe it also has a lot to do with a lack of education combined with our feeling ashamed of how we feel.
Maybe it’s because we are so conditioned to do work we have no interest in, just for monetary gain, that we feel ashamed to go a different route. Perhaps it’s the worry of what others may think if you were to push back against the grain.
Or maybe it’s a combination of many variables that lead us toward a lifetime of pain.
Whichever the case may be, if this article is connecting with you, I can confidently say that you are not alone. In fact, you are in the majority. I’ve unfortunately seen this many times in the people with whom I’ve worked over the past 12 years. I don’t have all of the numbers and statistics, but what I do have is 12 years of experience working with people on a deep and personal level.
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And in no way do I intend to shit on doctors who are clearly way smarter and more educated than I am. They do what they’re trained to do and have saved plenty of lives with the medications they prescribe. Many people genuinely need medications to survive and function. And I am certainly not advocating that you just stop taking any medications you may be on. If your goal is to come off of medications, then the first thing I’ll recommend is consulting with your doctor and creating an action plan with them.
However, I do believe that there are many cases where medications are overprescribed and are used only to treat the surface of a deeper issue rather than resolving the underlying cause.
So, what should we do to address these common issues that persist amongst our society? Well, in my opinion, we can do several things. Many of these things I’ve talked about in previous articles, so I won’t beat a dead horse.
But here’s some stuff I haven’t touched on...
Talk to Someone
Talking to a professional about the shit that’s bothering you. It doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you less of a man. It’s actually quite the opposite.
Speaking to someone can be very painful. You’re stirring up deep, painful shit that has been haunting you since childhood. That’s the crap that has led to many levels of self-doubt and insecurity. Being able to discuss it is actually a showing of strength.
For some people, chatting with a professional once a month is sufficient. For others, doing this once a week or even once per day may be necessary. Wherever you are, finding someone you’re comfortable with and getting that shit out is a vital first step. Just be aware that this process can be very painful. However, if you have the right mindset going into it, this will be a very rewarding and liberating experience in the long run. But it will take work.
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Disconnect and Don't Bring Your Work Home
Time with your family and friends should be about your family and friends, not about emails, texts, or your social media feed. Shut your phone off, or at the very least, put it on silent and leave it in another room.
Be present for the moments in your day that you actually enjoy rather than keeping yourself stuck at work all the time.
Social media is great for many reasons. It gives us a chance to connect and communicate with people from afar and is even great for promoting and growing businesses. The downside is that it’s extremely addictive, and most people waste way too much of their time on social media.
It can also lead to making comparisons with other people’s lives which, in itself, is extremely toxic.
Keep a close eye on the time you spend on social media and be sure to avoid it during actual social gatherings. Being present and communicating with the people surrounding you is much more rewarding and natural for us as human beings.
Another big step that you can take to reduce your anxiety is to take action. Anxiety is the anticipation of future pain. If you’re anxious, you’re anticipating some type of pain or discomfort and might feel like you have no control. I have found that taking action on your anxiety can give you a feeling of control. Here’s what taking action on your anxiousness might look like.
Brain Dump
Get all of your thoughts on a sheet of paper. Write them down with no structure, priority or even relevance. Just let your mind spew onto your paper through your hand.
Organize the Brain Dump
After about five to ten minutes of brain dumping, look at what you’ve written down. Then, begin to prioritize everything you’ve written.
Write Action Steps
After you have a list of high-priority and low-priority items on your brain dump, create a list of one or two action steps you will take for each of the high-priority items. This is your plan, which you will need to read every day to keep it fresh in your mind.
Take Massive Action
Without following through and taking action on your brain dump, you’ll still suffer from anxiousness. Be sure to execute your plan. There will never be a perfect time to begin. Now is the time.
I know that this plan can help to change your life for the better. I know this because I’ve been there myself and still struggle with this stuff from time to time. I am by no means perfect. Far from it. But I work on this stuff every single day so that I can get better.
The steps listed above are based on my own and my clients’ experiences throughout the years.
I know they can help you, too.
Thanks for reading.
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