I have written previously about grief in The End of a Strength and Conditioning Career, and I thought now was an opportune time to re-visit this as I have now moved into the ACCEPTANCE stage of the Kubler-Ross grief cycle. Previously, I felt that I would still be too emotional and not ready to coalesce my thoughts into words. When emotion enters the brain, logic quickly leaves.
To supplement the topic, this infographic provides an excellent overall summary of this month's column and is a good platform for us to dive into the specifics as related to the loss of a job and the inevitable retirement.
You may go through many other feelings while working your way through your grieving process, from loss to acceptance. This is also not a straight highway leading you from point to point but can often be a mountain road with multiple switchbacks and delays. Your process has no time limit, but I would emphasize that you continue trying to keep moving forward.
Denial
When I finished up with the Houston SaberCats in August of 2021, I came home to New Zealand and started scouring the job sites for my next deployment. This may be a strange word to use, but there are quite a few similarities in speaking with many of my military friends and colleagues. In that first year, I applied to a dozen more advertisements, receiving the full range of responses, from no response to an interview, falling short of the prize in each of the three I received.
I was in DENIAL that this could be the end, and I doubled down on each application. It started to appear that the harder I tried, the less I received back. How could this be happening to me? I have been working for 30 plus years in professional sports. I have accumulated so much intellectual property, and I was getting further away from using it again. But, I still felt I had something to offer and wanted to work full-time.
Anger
I felt ANGER fueling my applications. Was agism the reason I was not getting jobs? Was my skill set (Humanistic NOT Mechanistic) that I had honed over so many years no longer a priority to employers? This feeling of anger came out in many ways; my wife even told me I was not very nice being around; I was short with her and often cranky. I sought professional help to assist me in dealing with the anger. Meditation and reading biographies of people who had overcome adversity became my way forward.
Did potential employers with less experience in the field than myself feel threatened, or was it just that my sports science skills were nowhere near as developed for the modern team environment? Change happens quickly in most industries, and if you do not keep up with those changes, you will quickly fall behind and soon be forgotten and not considered relevant anymore.
Bargaining
I was still getting out of bed at around 5:00 am each morning. I did not want to lose that trait, as I knew I would be back in the saddle again soon. Plus, I have always done some of my best thinking at this time of the day. A pot of black coffee and a keyboard fueled my creativity. I was BARGAINING with myself: how can I still be part of something bigger than myself? Is it time to consider part-time roles or volunteer roles? Can I offer to help members at my local gym without stepping on the toes of the personal trainers there? I even came up with a wee logo to push my cause.
They say you make your luck, and luck occurs when preparation meets opportunity. This is exactly what started to happen. I gave some seminars, threw myself more into my writing, was active on committees for the National Strength and Conditioning Association, and became heavily involved as the Chair of the NSCA's Rugby Special Interest Group (SIG).
Depression
While this was all happening, I started to feel a gnawing at my soul that I could just not shake. I was seeing the joy in my life, and it was like I was in a permanent cloud that I could not get out of. DEPRESSION often sneaks up on you; some days are much better than others, and feelings of worthlessness and whether what I am doing even matter to others pervade your thoughts. People often say, "Be thankful for what you have, "Think positive," and "Tough times don't last," but they all seemed like empty platitudes to me. I was not suicidal, although I did often say to myself that I really do not care if I wake up tomorrow or not.
Thankfully, I had my training in the weight room as well as longer walks up the hills with my dog, Nessie, and then a break came when I was offered a part-time strength and conditioning job back where it all started for me in New Zealand with the Crusaders. This time, with their International Academy Program, just 15 hours a week. For seven months of the year, I was back in an environment of excellence, which stimulated my creativity to produce better programs and help others be the best they could be.
In 2023, I received the Boyd Epley Lifetime Achievement Award from the NSCA, a huge honor. Also, being the first foreigner to receive this accolade was a reminder that I had always been involved with something bigger than myself and that the award was for everyone I had assisted over those previous 40 plus years.
Acceptance
So now, in 2024, I have reached ACCEPTANCE of the fact that I will never work in a full-time professional program again. I still have days where I backslide and feel a sense of loss, anger, and depression, but at least now, I feel I have a far better mindset to deal with these days and not allow them to consume me. I am excited to explore new possibilities of how I can give back to the industry, which has given so much to me over the years.
If you are experiencing any issues with your own personal journey and transitioning into roles, please reach out to me and talk about it. You are certainly not alone, but together, we can rise up and overcome the grief of loss.
Ashley Jones has worked in three professional sports across 30 years and four continents. He was awarded the NSCA's Professional Coach of the Year in 2016. Ashley holds his CSCS (Certified Strength and Conditioning Specialist) since 1988 and is an honorary lecturer in the School of Therapeutic Sciences, University of Witwatersrand, Johannesburg, SA.