My wife and I just returned from vacation. We typically visit our kids in Milwaukee but decided to do something different this time. I have never been to Vegas (though my wife has been there a couple of times with her whore-friends, which makes her a whore-wife, I guess, but I digress), and I have never been to Los Angeles, so we settled on these two places. We wanted to be close to the water in LA, so we opted for Santa Monica.

Just a quick note:

I assumed that it was warm in LA and Vegas year-round. It is not. Who lives in South Florida but vacations in Southern California in late November? This guy and his (whore) wife. Do not worry about me; my wife (and her whore friends) never read anything I write, so unless you tell her, she will not know.

Santa Monica's Not So Secret Surprise

Even though I have been in the bodybuilding industry for forty years, I am not one who chooses vacation spots based on gyms, shows, or anything related to bodybuilding. I love bodybuilding, but I have lived and breathed it 24/7/365, so when I vacation, I want to rest, relax, and just get away. It would be akin to an accountant of forty years going on vacation and thinking, "I just HAVE to do something with numbers every day for two hours while on vacation." My motivation is spending time with my wife (the aforementioned whore) and eating pancakes and burgers while she enjoys whore juice (this is our inside joke that we call her drinks on Saturday nights).

While in Santa Monica, our hotel was less than a block from the Santa Monica Pier. At the hotel bar the last night we were there, I learned something I should have known YEARS ago: the history of the Original Muscle Beach and Muscle Beach Venice. To say I was embarrassed would be a gross understatement. I was schooled by a guy who very clearly did not work out, and thankfully, he probably did not know I did because of the amount of burgers and pancakes I had been eating. I have spent forty years dedicated to this sport and arguably consumed by it for most of those years. If I did not know the history of Muscle Beach, others might not know, either.

Here's the Cliff Notes version (because you can Google the details on your own):

Muscle Beach

The original Muscle Beach is located just off the Santa Monica Pier. It did not start as a haven for bodybuilders as much as it was a place where gymnasts and acrobats gathered to do workouts using ropes, rings, and acrobatic moves showcasing strength and balance. Of course, bodybuilders were attracted to it, but it was not until years later that more bodybuilders started bringing gym equipment (dumbbells, barbells, benches, etc.,) so that they could weight train. The Original Muscle Beach became the place to be in the 30s. By the late 40s and into the 50s, bodybuilders moved south about three miles to Venice, California.

Muscle Beach Venice is the only Muscle Beach I have ever been familiar with, and it is likely due to its popularity in the 80s when I started bodybuilding as a teen. As old as most of you think I am, I am "only" 54. I am not 84, despite very hurtful comments on YouTube about me looking eighty whore (sorry, I had to find a way to work "whore" in there again). I always told my parents I wanted to visit Muscle Beach (Venice). To me, it was considered sacred ground—a place where legends trained—and I was pretty sure I was destined to be a legend. Clearly, that did not happen, but it is likely because I had kids, and as we all know, kids are dream crushers. Kids ruin everything.

Finding Muscle Beach

As I stated previously, I do not do bodybuilding stuff while on vacation. My wife (oops, "whore" wife) will tell you that my typical response to someone who asks me if I work out is, "No, I just eat a lot." It saves a lot of boring and predictable conversations about how much I bench, how big their friend's second cousin's arms are, and other eye-rolling shit that I do not care to entertain while on vacation.

My wife recommended that we rent some bikes and ride up the beach three miles to Venice so I could at least say that I had visited it after all these years. I begrudgingly agreed. I put on a turtleneck sweater, chino shorts, and flip-flops (remember, it is f-ing cold in November), and we headed out for a three-mile tour. A three-mile tour. The weather started getting rough; the tiny Skip was tossed… Just kidding. I could not pass it up. I am a mess of digressions today.

We arrive in Venice to, from a distance, what I had pictured in my head for so many years. The strip looks like it hasn't been updated or even painted since the '70s. An ice cream sign was so faded you could hardly make out what it said, but the picture of the ice cream cone made it clear. Some people were painting graffiti on a graffiti wall, and the basketball courts have always been a mainstay in Venice. The smell of urine (from the homeless) drove the urban feel deep into my psyche, as well.

RECENT: Dear Natties, Don't Be Delusional

I found myself getting excited and anxious about finally getting to see this place that had meant so much to me as a teen forty years ago. If you have been married for a long time, you know that you have to mask your excitement and kind of downplay it so that it seems more "meh" than acting like a giddy kid. I can not have my whore wife thinking I am excited about something she proposed we do. Yes, I am good at this husband thing.

I get off the bike, and she says she will watch the bikes (it is LA, after all) so I can look around and take Muscle Beach all in on my own. Then, I took about ten minutes to myself, slowly walking around and looking at everything. I walked up to the fence and took inventory of the equipment before walking over to the other side of the outside workout area, where there was a cement bodybuilding stage with quite a few sets of bleachers.

Anti-Climactic

After all these years, I was able to see what was so important to me as a teenager who was just getting into bodybuilding. And I admit it; I was a bit disappointed. I did not want to be, but I was. I was oddly verklempt and tried to hide this from my wife. Why? I do not really know. It could have been because I was disappointed, or it could have been that I knew I was standing on what was, to me, a very nostalgic place where so many people for so many years made memories and lived and pursued their bodybuilding dreams, but I felt none of that. I was confused.

Honestly, I can not answer why I was disappointed, but my best guess is that I had this place so hyped up in my head for forty years that when I finally saw it, I viewed it more as a memorial.

I did not feel like it was "original" because it had been modernized; the strip wasn't, but the gym was. The gym was not authentic; it was not the equipment that the legends used. In fact, it was weather-chromed Hammer Strength equipment when I expected (or wanted) to see '70s equipment that was antiquated and worn by the weather over time. It hit me much like taking in my first Yankee game at the new stadium. They tore down The House That Ruth Built and replaced it with something that holds zero nostalgia and thought that putting plaques on the wall with the names of the legends who graced the old place would suffice. I was not feeling it. I would go so far as to say that I was irritated.

Just Sayin'

Not one person who was training had a great physique. There were six or seven, forty, or fifty-year-old guys who looked like any other gym-goer at Planet Fitness. It was anti-climactic, at best.

On the bike ride back to Santa Monica, I found myself thinking that part of me wished I had not seen it. I did cardio to see this place, and I did it in a turtleneck sweater. Who wants to do that? Then, I had a realization and got excited again. I knew what I was going to do. I was going to blame it all on my whore wife as soon as we got back to the hotel. Just like my kids, she ruins everything, too. Just Sayin'.

BIO

Ken “Skip” Hill has been involved in the sport of bodybuilding for almost forty years and competing for over twenty years. Born and raised in Michigan, he spent 21 years calling Colorado home with his wife and their four children. Four years ago, he and his wife traded the mountains for the beach, relocating to South Florida. His primary focus is nutrition and supplementation, but he is called upon for his years of training experience, as well. He started doing online contest prep in 2001 and is considered one of the original contest prep guys when the bodybuilding message boards were still in their infancy. Skip’s track record with competitive bodybuilders is well-respected, and he also does sport-specific conditioning, including working with professional athletes.