“Fear is the mind killer.”
Such a powerful quote so many people enjoy referencing when attempting to overcome obstacles. However, I am of the school of thought that you should embrace that fear. I’ve bombed out of meets, pulled tendons from the bone, ripped muscle bellies in half, and ended up in the hospital in tachycardia due to this sport. If I wasn’t scared traveling to this meet, I wouldn’t be human.
RECENT: Ruptured Bicep Tendon and Stubborn Squats
My training cycle was stellar and I had not missed a rep in training in months. Despite that, the nerves were still there. These thoughts came to a head standing in line to weigh in, and looking across a sea of familiar faces and realizing just how stacked this meet was. Ten people had the potential to total 2000 pounds or more on a good day, and that is an insane roster. Luckily, I had multiple elitefts teammates to lean on, along with my father and girlfriend to be a crazy person with.
Squat
Once the day began, I threw my headphones in and attempted to drown everything out. I knew once I got my first squat in, it would be gravy. It was just a matter of remaining calm with enough focused aggression to get it done. Seeing almost everyone smoke their first attempts got me confident, and as I stepped up the bar I knew I had it.
However, as the famous Dave Tate is known to do, I also very much enjoy Nose Tork. Upon hearing “bar is loaded” I popped that new bottle and shoved that baby straight up my right nostril. What I didn’t anticipate was the potency of a new bottle! I fried my sinuses, and was legitimately crying as I set up under the bar. Upon walking the weight out, I lost my balance and almost lost the bar. Panic started to flood my mind.
Despite this, I knew I had time, and I asked for a re-rack and a chance to set up again. Upon doing so, and wiping the tears from my eyes, I set up tight, waited for commands, and smoked that weight — three white lights, and it was time to keep it rolling. I called for 760 pounds on my second attempt. This is a weight I knew I had, and wanted to get to build momentum to roll into a PR third attempt. Lo and behold, it was a second attempt smoke show and I called for 788 pounds to match my training PR on my third.
This would be a heavier attempt due to the meet venue always being much more variable as compared to hitting a PR in the gym. Before this attempt I spoke briefly with Dan Green, and as soft-spoken and humble as the man is, he instilled even more confidence in me with the statement of belief that I would have been good for 800 that day. Once again, upon hearing the bar has been loaded, I set up tight, drowned out the noise, and executed. Three white lights and a 3/3 beginning to the most high-pressure contest of my life.
Bench Press
Anyone following my training must know my bench press has been garbage ever since my bicep repair surgery on June 1. Flare-ups of severe nerve pain, residual scar tissue inflammation, and tendinitis pain have made training very inconsistent. To my benefit, I had Chris Duffin and some other members of KMS in my corner, and they all helped guide me on what to do with the BoomStick and The PainPill if these issues came to pass. I aggressively diffused my triceps tendons and set those angry instruments on my bicep tendon to alleviate some of the tightness immediately before pressing. It made a world of difference.
My opening attempt of 451 pounds flew and I felt as if I could have hit it for ten reps. Same exact story for my second attempt of 474! Now I was flying high on confidence, and in zero pain whatsoever, so I called for a five-pound PR of 490 pounds and annihilated it. On this day I would have been hard pressed to miss any weight on the bench press, and really believe I could have hit somewhere around 520 pounds. That’s for the next one, though!
So, you all remember that torn bicep thing? You know it happened deadlifting, right? You know deadlifts are at the end of the meet, and I was already a nervous wreck? Well, guess what? Theme runs true and I decided to vomit before pulls...because I am a completely sane and rational being when in a competition mindset!
Deadlift
After I got that out, I began to warm up, and knew my opener would be easy. It would merely be a matter of hanging on. I opened at 672 pounds to solidify a total, and was seriously close to having a panic attack before the pull just because of the culmination of the injury and the fact that my last meet was a bomb out due to grip.
I relied on my girlfriend Skyler at this point, and vented to her about my concerns and my nerves. In her brash and blunt way of speaking she said all that I needed to hear: “Why? You haven’t missed due to grip in training in months, and you won’t now. You know that."
Her simplicity and her honesty was all I needed. I saw the weight hit the platform, and I simply picked it up and set it back down as I had done a million times before. My total was cemented and I knew I had not failed. Now was the time to make my jumps to achieve my 9/9 perfect day, and my long sought 2000-pound sleeved total. 716 pounds for a second attempt flew up, and I knew I had the strength for 750+ despite pulling at 8 PM after a 10-hour day.
WATCH: Larry Williams Breaks All-time World Record
However, I looked at my left hand and saw blood caked in with the chalk. The nerves and terror began flooding my mind yet again, but reeling myself in, I knew my coach Thomas Neal and I had prepared for this. I made the smart jump to 727 pounds on my third, grabbed the super glue I bought for this specific reason, and shut that callus up.
727 pounds would give me a 2006-pound total. While being slightly short of what I truly was capable of, I knew this is what I needed as an athlete and as a person coming off of so many set backs. Coincidentally, this was the same weight I opened with last meet and bombed out because of.
I was full of fear and apprehension, but I acknowledged those fears and knew I could overcome them because I had before. I approached the bar, grabbed it, felt the sharpness of the knurling dig into my palms, and swore I had grabbed it so tightly the steel may have begun to melt in my hands. I stood up with the weight, received the down command, and the tears of joy, catharsis, and achievement began to flow.
I achieved my lifetime goal of a 2000-pound total — and even better, did so on a huge stage and after a perfect 9/9 day.
A huge thanks goes to my elitefts teammates like Chris Duffin, Christian Anto, Casey Williams, and others too numerous to name who helped keep me healthy throughout my training blocks and encouraged me to achieve what I was capable of. I must also extend thanks to my coach Thomas Neal, a relatively unknown entity in the strength and conditioning field, but truly one of the smartest and pragmatic individuals I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with. My girlfriend Skyler Hjelm, who chastises me if I miss meals or don’t rest enough, and was willing to be my servant all day, grabbing me food and water and rubbing my feet when my psychosis shone through And finally my father, Ed Sullivan, who has been at every one of my athletic endeavors since I was a baby. He is my best friend and anyone who met him at the meet or at any others knows he loves this sport and is just as passionate about it as I am. I am truly happy with the outcome of this competition, but you all know I am not satisfied. I will be taking the week off and getting back to training next Monday to prepare for my next contest, where I will attempt to continue the upward trend of ever-increasing totals. Once again, thank you all. I’m privileged to have the amazing support I do.
Success!
Great write-up too!