An excerpt from Gym Talk eBook
Amazing Forearm Jack Program
Okay, Joe, your program looks good, but I have to tell you, it’s a bit “old school.” We’re in a new age of forearm training now, and the “old stuff” won’t get you the jack that you’re looking for. There’s a better way!
Now, you need to understand that information like this is what people pay hundreds…no thousands for. Countless hours of research and testing have gone into this “new age” program.
This isn’t bull crap.
I’ve been around the block a few times, and I’ve been busting my butt in the gym since 1983. Yes, this was long before many “coaches” and “experts” were even born. When they were in diapers, I was doing wrist curls and hammer curls. Now, they’ll try to tell you how to do it, but I’m here to say that they’re wrong! Very wrong!
There’s a right way and a wrong way to get the forearm jack...and I know the right way. I know because I’ve been in search of the forearm jack (FJ) for most of my life. You see, me and the FJ go back a long way. I’ve tried everything to get it on, but nothing seemed to work. Let me say that again. I’ve tried everything.
After years of research, I’ve discovered the amazing forearm jack program (AFJP). I trust you with this information because I know that your time is short and you have to get the jack on. Normally, we’d sit down with our attorneys and iron out a confidentially agreement to program the AFJP. So, Joe, I trust you.
Okay, Joe, your program looks good, but I have to tell you, it’s a bit “old school.” We’re in a new age of forearm training now, and the “old stuff” won’t get you the jack that you’re looking for. There’s a better way!
Now, you need to understand that information like this is what people pay hundreds…no thousands for. Countless hours of research and testing have gone into this “new age” program.
This isn’t bull crap.
I’ve been around the block a few times, and I’ve been busting my butt in the gym since 1983. Yes, this was long before many “coaches” and “experts” were even born. When they were in diapers, I was doing wrist curls and hammer curls. Now, they’ll try to tell you how to do it, but I’m here to say that they’re wrong! Very wrong!
There’s a right way and a wrong way to get the forearm jack...and I know the right way. I know because I’ve been in search of the forearm jack (FJ) for most of my life. You see, me and the FJ go back a long way. I’ve tried everything to get it on, but nothing seemed to work. Let me say that again. I’ve tried everything.
After years of research, I’ve discovered the amazing forearm jack program (AFJP). I trust you with this information because I know that your time is short and you have to get the jack on. Normally, we’d sit down with our attorneys and iron out a confidentially agreement to program the AFJP. So, Joe, I trust you.
I also trust you not to let me down because this program will work for everyone. Let me say that again. This program will work for everyone! Before we get into this, let’s define exactly what “work” means.
Are you looking for that extra edge to land the hottest babes?
Are you looking for Mad VEINS?
Do you want to look jacked but not do all the work?
Do you want to look hard while holding that Bud?
Do you want to get noticed when you hand your money through the drive through window?
Do you want to be regarded as one of the best “strength coaches” in the world?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, the AFJP is for you. Now listen to this...
“The AFJP program changed my life. I can't believe the amount of ass I’m getting. Thank you, thank you, and thank you.” —Brian
“The AFJP program totally changed my career. Before, no one would listen to me, and I had a hard time getting clients. Now, I have instant credibility, and I’m in the process of starting my own AFJP affiliate program. I’ve also been a featured writer for many of the top online and published strength magazines. If it wasn’t for AFJP, I’d still be working in China.” —Wo Jo
Don't take it from me. Listen to them. If you’re ready to change your life, AFJP is for you. Let's get started. Before your first session, you’ll need to get a few ingredients.
You’ll need to get the following**:
- 1 Big Mac
- 1 can motor oil
- 1 wife beater tank top
- 1 flannel shirt
- 1 can Skoal
** These items will be available soon at AFJP.com.
This program has to be done every other day for six weeks. Hey! I never said that it’d be easy. You have to be willing to pay the price for the FJ. Are you willing to do what needs to be done? If so, read on.
At 8:00 a.m., toss the Big Mac in a blender and make it into a nice paste. While this is blending, rub the motor oil on your forearms. Why motor oil? Simple. Mechanics have jacked forearms, and it’s because of all the oil that they have on their arms all day. This is common sense, and something that everyone seems to miss. So oil up, pour your shake paste into a shaker cup, and head to the gym.
At the gym, your first series will be forearm stretching. Really loosen those babies up. Stretch and bend every way that you can. There’s no right or wrong pattern—just get loose. Many on the AFJP program have found kneeling hand walks to be great for this. To do this, kneel in front of the treadmill and walk you hands on it at 5 mph.
After you get warmed up, pop in a huge dip of Skoal. Why? Once again...simple. The nicotine increases circulation to your forearms. It isn’t proven, but I have it on good authority that Skoal works like Viagra for the forearms. Once again, have you ever seen a farmer’s forearms? Skoal baby!
Your first movement is the dynamic wrist curl. Because the forearms are used with every movement, the dynamic method needs to be utilized with higher repetitions and sets. Based on secret Soviet research, you’ll need to train a 57.25 percent load for eight sets of 12 reps using four different grip positions.
After these eight sets, ice down with a frozen Dixie cup. Make sure to work deep and toward the heart. After five minutes of ice, flip the grip (if you used a forward grip for the last sets, use a reverse grip). Alternate each session and perform eight more sets of 12 reps using four grips. After three weeks, add chains and bands. This is super secret stuff so call me on this one. I can't afford for this to leak out.
Once again, ice for five minutes and move onto the next group. For the second group, pick one of four movements and work up to a one rep max.
These include:
- partial reverse curl off pins
- suspended reverse curls from chains
- seated hammer box curls
- dumbbell hammer floor curls
For the dumbbell hammer floor curls, sit and curl the dumbbell from the floor up. This is extremely intense. As shown in 5”2’, type A blood, blond, female, Latin, Olympic squash players, it may take up to four weeks for the central nervous system to recover from this one. Just be careful. But I have to tell you. This one movement alone can add up to 17.345 percent to your forearm size.
The next few movements will include***:
- one arm cable reverse curls
- behind the back wrist curls
- super fish curls
- Batman spreads
- Humpty Dumpties
- rockin’ Harries
***Perform all for two sets of 15 reps.
When you’re done, ice again for five minutes and then sit down! Yes! Sit your butt down! This session is intense, and you will need to let your heart rate get back in line. We’ve seen people rushed to the hospital because they didn’t sit down. Plus, for the next step to be effective, you have to be relaxed and have a normal heart rate reading.
Your heart rate should drop back to normal. With this, we’re being very specific. Wear a monitor and make sure that you apply this next method at the exact second. If you don’t, you’ll loose seven percent of its effectiveness per second!
Yes, seven percent per second!
When you heart rate returns to normal, pull out the Big Mac paste and rub it on your forearms. Rub it in good! Real good. You see, cholesterol is a precursor to testosterone. This method is awesome for driving testosterone right where we need it. You’ll need to leave this on for 45 minutes because testosterone levels have been proven to fall off after this time.
Now, this is important. When you wash off the Mac attack, use a dry towel. It’s extremely important that the motor oil stays on for a full eight hours. Remember, the mechanic works eight-hour days. Oh, before I forget, it also helps to start half an hour late a couple times a week and call off one or two sessions per week (keeping with the tradition). That’s it! But I’ll leave you with a few bonus tips that will really make the difference.
1. Don't train anything else. The smaller everything else is, the bigger the forearms will look.
2. For a tease show, wear the flannel shirt but only expose one quarter to one half of the meat mass. This is the same principle that Jessica Simpson uses when wearing short shorts. It just makes everyone wonder what the hamhock looks like up yonder…
3. When you’re ready for "the show," bust out the wife beater, go to the pub, and get a Bud! Enjoy this…you earned it.
OMG! I can't believe I have to write this.
Based on three posts to the Q and A and one email from people who THINK THIS IS REAL I feel the need to write.....
THIS PROGRAM AND ARTICLE IS A JOKE. IT'S NOT FOR REAL....
But in case you STILL think it is I HIGHLY suggest you see a medical professional before beginning this and any exercise program.