Stop Making It Okay to Just Give Up

Lately, it seems I keep hearing people say shit like “it just wasn't meant to be.” Other variations include “everything happens for a reason”, “it just wasn't in the cards”, something to do with destiny, and many others. I am not saying these sayings don't have a place, but way too often they are just used as excuses to make it okay to give up trying. It's just a way to make yourself feel better about giving up on a goal or even a dream.

At this particular moment in my life, these sayings just piss me off. Just because something isn't easy or because it is going to take a shit ton of work doesn't mean it is not meant to be or that the universe does not want you to have it. Even if there is some higher power and destiny, I say fuck that, too. I am the master of my life. This is not to say that everything works out of me or that I was successful in everything I have done, but I know I always gave it everything I had.

Life and powerlifting are one in the same to me, and even though I recently heard these saying again outside powerlifting, they still led me in this direction, to this article. Just last weekend I was asked again what it takes to make it to the top level of strength sports as if there is some secret tip to launch an average lifter into insane levels of strength. It takes a lot of things to make it to the top in any sport, and it would take a series of books to explain everything.

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These sayings reminded me of the most important thing to becoming a top athlete, though: not letting anyone or anything tell you what was meant to be or what your destiny is. The most important thing is having the heart and will to reach your goal. It is having the tenacity to keep working, studying, learning, dealing with the pain, and busting your ass until you get it all figured out. It is the concept that nothing will stop you and you will do everything in your ability to reach your goal. This is the only way I made it to the level I did because on paper or by genetics, I should never had made it past an average local lifter. The best advantage I had in my life was that, since I was small, my life was never that easy and I had to work my ass off for everything I got. I was never the gifted kid at anything. I was a misfit in everything and I still am, but that taught me that if I never gave up and worked my ass off, I could be successful in areas I wanted to. It taught me that I had to learn and figure out different ways to get where I wanted. I think you would be hard-pressed to find a top strength athlete that says, “Well, it just wasn’t meant to be.” They usually say something like, “Okay, back to the drawing board to figure it out, cause I will win that competition!"

When I was young, I was never the natural athlete that just had some innate ability to pick up new sports easily. To top it off, my father was a natural athlete and my brother was, too. I was never the smart kid that just seemed to understand stuff. I was never the funny kid that just seemed to make people laugh. I wasn't the kid that just seemed to fit in and be popular without even trying. I wasn't the kid that could fix anything or who just understood stuff like mechanics or electronics. I did seem to be pretty good at fighting, but that was only because I never give up and I have a tremendous amount of anger in me. So it was not like I was a good fighter at first; it only came with a ton of practice.

Now that I think about it, maybe it was the fighting that began my learning process about never quitting. No matter how bad I was losing or getting beat up, I never gave up on the thought of winning. I used pain to motivate myself and to release all that anger until I finished the fight. Black eyes, bruises, bloody noses, and pain were never signs of losing; they were awards I earned on my way to winning, kind of like all my torn muscles and injuries from lifting. In middle school, I once got beat pretty good and the cops came to break up the fight, but I still count it as a win because that kid was so scared of me that he would not come within 200 feet of me any time after that fight. He would do anything to avoid me and always turned around to go the other way when he saw me. This was probably smart because I still wanted to physically finish that fight. I never feared or backed down from the pain or the work; I learned it was just something I had to go through that in order to get better at it.

My whole life I loved doing athletic stuff, and the only thing I ever really wanted to be was a professional athlete. I had struggles in that area my whole life, though. When I first learned to walk, I was so pigeon-toed I ended up having to wear ugly orthopedic shoes until middle school. When I was really young, I had to wear those same shoes to bed, with a bar my dad had to connect to those shoes to keep my feet straight. Because of all this, I was slow as shit and hated any games that involved speed. This also usually meant being picked last for any sports we played as kids. I changed all this through working my ass off and doing a ton of plyometrics.

By the time I was in high school, I would get asked if I was that big guy that was really fast. Then by about my junior year, I started to develop chronic compartment syndrome in my legs. Of course, per my life, it was misdiagnosed until my second year of college. The compartment syndrome caused a ton of pain that made it hard to even walk. It also caused some neurological issues, where at times I could not move my feet up or down. I would have to pick my feet up high and slap them down when I stepped. I ended up having to stop throwing in college after the compartment syndrome finally got diagnosed properly and surgery still did not fix it. Through all these things, I was able to continue lifting and did not give up on it just because I did not have sports to lift for. Not to mention, through all this I was dealing with undiagnosed narcolepsy. Still, I never gave up on athletics or being one of the best in the world at some sport. I just had to adapt my goal and figure out the area where I could do this. I am sure that was a big part of why I kept lifting.

I imagine some people are thinking, “Wait, you gave up on those other sports, and it wasn't meant to be for you to play football or be an Olympic shot-putter.” To anyone thinking that, I say bullshit. There was never any “meant to be” about anything. Those were sports I wanted to be successful in, but shit happened. For starters, I learned I was not so much of a team sport person because I wanted to win and couldn't stand to lose. I expected my teammates to be the same and it was hard to find a large team of people that felt the same. Plus, the compartment syndrome was seriously affecting my training for football. In throwing, I tried everything I could to get around it. When I first got diagnosed, my doctor said I had two choices: keep going and face the very serious risk of eventually losing my legs, or have surgery. Without any hesitation, at all, I said, “How soon can we schedule it?”

After surgery and a ton of therapy trying everything, there were no more options. I was not willing to risk an eventual amputation of my lower legs. I can just hear it now: “Well, it was your destiny to eventually become a champion powerlifter and this was just the path chosen for you to get there.” Bullshit again, and that it is not my point anyway.

The point here is to never quit. To never give up. To make your own destiny and decide for yourself where you want to go. To learn and adapt until you meet your goal. It is to be willing to stay the course no matter how hard or difficult it gets. If I believed in this "it’s not meant to be" or "it's destiny" shit, I would be collecting disability and living in low-income housing. I would probably eat like shit and be fat as hell.

I remember seeing the psychologist that first diagnosed me as bipolar. She said, “Narcolepsy and bipolar are both disorders where you can collect disabilities.” I thought to myself, "So fucking what? I can still work and live; I just have to do it in my own way." When I was in high school and college, I could not stay awake in any class no matter how hard I tried. I could have gone, “Oh, well, it is just not meant to be for me to be educated.” When I would fall asleep at certain jobs I could have just said, "Oh, well it’s just meant to be, so I will go on welfare.” We all have moments in our lives where we could just use these sayings and quit. We could also say, “Bullshit, this is still a choice and I choose to not give up.”

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It always struck me as funny how people love the underdog in movies but then make so many excuses to justify why they do not accomplish anything. I hear this shit in lifting all the time.

"I just don't have the genetics for that." No, it’s not genetics. It is the fact that you’re not willing to learn and you train like an idiot. You only want to do the part of it that you enjoy — usually the easy part of going to the gym and training like a mad man.

"I just can't get bigger and I eat everything." I laugh every time I hear this. I have yet to question someone on this that really couldn't get bigger. They just do not want it bad enough or they want to put on 50 pounds of rock solid muscle with no fat. They also want it to happen in a few months. So many people think this shit happens overnight. Some people with truly good genetics can definitely gain strength and size faster, but it still takes years or decades. I do not know anyone that made it to the top easily or without a shit ton of work. They all had their struggles and trials but they all stayed the course. I am pretty sure the point of those underdog movies is to motivate people to understand they can do great things if they are willing to give it their all mentally, physically, and spiritually.

I know for a fact there are tons of amazing strength athletes with stories similar to mine. We all seemed to have our struggles in life, but we all made it to the biggest platforms because we never gave up. We did not just rely on destiny, genetics, or any outside force. We did not listen to the people that had no idea what they were talking about or the people that just wanted us to fail so that they wouldn't feel so bad about themselves. We did everything in our power to reach our goals, even the stuff that was the hardest or the most painful. We did not just do the stuff we liked to do, but we did everything we needed to. We learned, thought, planned, and worked our asses off. We do not make excuses or rely on sayings to help us feel better about giving up.

Do you want to know how to get to the highest levels in strength sports? MOTHER FUCKING HEART AND WILL, that’s how!