The S Word — What I've Learned

This will be the final article in this series. Previously, I covered the fact that at one point I was totally against steroids and that I never thought I would use them. I talked about how I had to start on hormone replacement therapy and the reasons I had to. I went further to discuss how this led to me experimenting with more in terms of steroids. In the previous part, I wrote about some of my personal issues and how I feel steroids/HRT affected them. In this final part, I try to wrap it all up with some questions I have always had, and give some insight into how I feel about steroids now.

Part 1: When My Perspective Changed 

I have now been on HRT and supplementing steroids for over 11 years. During this whole period, I was never on doses over my prescription for longer than three to four months at a time. I do not by any means feel like or claim to be an expert with steroids. I do have some good knowledge in terms of HRT, but as far as actual steroid use, I feel like an amateur that dabbles in it. I have not tried a lot of different steroids and I have mostly just stuck with a couple. I never used any really heavy doses and would consider what I did as average or below. At this point, I only take test and have started playing around with some SARMS and peptides. What is most important to me these days is how I feel. And as I wrote in the last part, I feel test helps my other disorders. It also helps with my recovery from training and life. This is very beneficial because, although my sleep is improving, it is still a big struggle for me. I think I am actually learning more about steroids now than I did back in the day.

With my experience, do I think steroids work? I once had a friend say, “If it’s legal, it's shit!” I find this statement to hold very true. If it is legal and does work, it won’t be legal for long. Hell yes, they most certainly work, but I think the general population has a very misconceived idea about how they work and how much they work.

Steroids affect individuals differently just like medications and even food can. This goes for how much they help to how severe side effects can be. Some people are hyper sensitive and see great results, while others do not see those kinds of gains. The gains will also be affected by the level of athlete they are and at what point they go on. In my case, I was pretty damn strong before starting them, so I think that limited the level of what gains I saw from them. Some people will see fast gains and for others, they will come more slowly. I have never heard of anyone just getting stronger from steroids, though. I mean, I have never seen or heard of someone just taking steroids and getting stronger without training.

I feel that the biggest benefit from steroids is the increased recovery. A lifter can train harder and more often because their recovery will be so much better. This means they will get stronger at an increased rate. It also means a lifter can be struggling because they are overtraining, but get on steroids and make quick gains because now they are recovering. With my sleep issues, my recovery is horrible. Although being on helped this, it was still pretty bad. This may have also accounted for me not seeing such dramatic gains. Then again, that could have also had something to do with the amount of stuff I was using. Maybe if I would have jacked it up I would have seen much higher gains. I know people that take only a little and see great results, and others who may need to take much more to see similar results. There simply are no definite answers as far as how much it will work or what increase a person might see.

Part 2: Side Effects and a Higher Dose

One of the biggest questions I have always had is how the hell I got so strong having low testosterone levels — and how did I end up with levels so low in the first place? My first meet I totaled 1700 raw, which is not huge, but I find it hard to believe I had low test levels during that time. When I got diagnosed with low test, I had totaled over 2300. The idea of doing these numbers with low test is incredible and verging on impossible.

I find it hard to believe my levels were always low. I wonder if my sleep problems had anything to do with this because most hormones are released during delta sleep and I get no delta sleep. My sleep had also progressively gotten worse as I got stronger, and during that time it was very bad. This leads me to ask if my levels were so low because of how hard I pushed my body and how little sleep I got. Is it possible I pushed my body to a limit where it just could not keep up enough production to meet its needs? If this is true then it brings up another question: is there a point where strength athletes should be getting checked to see if they need supplementation of hormones? This seems like such a tough question because most lifters are on before they ever get to this point. This again leads to more questions.

If this is the case, did I do my body more damage by not going on sooner? There are aspects of my health and blood work that did improve once I went on, like my general well-being, energy level, mental state, and even my sleep. The general population is okay with supplementing vitamins, minerals, protein, medication, etc., but the idea of supplementing with steroids is all the sudden a horrible thing. Even HRT still has a lot of negativity surrounding it in the medical field. I know I will never know, but I really wonder what would have happened if I had gone on earlier.

Yet another thing I wonder about is how far I could have taken it without ever going on. In my situation, I do not think this was really an option, but I still wonder. I was still making gains even with low test but I was getting the rashes and sickness more often. My sleep and depression were getting increasingly worse, too. I also wonder how far I could have taken it if I stayed on the prescription doses. Once I did the needle I was not going to do drug-tested, so what was the difference if I went on or not? What would have happened if I had given myself more time to recover or just simply taken a couple months off? Would my body have caught up and would my levels have come up? I seem to have more questions than answers.

So what is the limit of a drug-free lifter? Like I always say, everyone is different. Just like steroids affect people differently, people’s bodies can produce different levels of hormones. Some men have naturally higher levels of test than some other men. How far can a drug-free lifter take their strength? I say the sky is the limit! I did things drug-free that lots of people thought were impossible. I still remember people on the forums saying I could not be drug-free when I squatted over a grand. My team members wanted to rip these people’s heads off, but to me, it was kind of a compliment. The way I saw it, they said I had just done the impossible. I know there were a few other guys at the same level that were drug-free, but they never did drug-tested meets. If I could do that drug-free, then a person with a similar work ethic but great genetics should be able to do a lot more. I know the general population is quick to say people are on steroids if they do anything impressive, but I am here to say you people have no idea what can be done. It is not drugs that make the impressive lifts; it is heart!

Part 3: The S Word — Effects on Mental Illness

Was training drug-free or on any different? I did not find it much different at all. I know when I first went on I had this idea that I could train heavier and more often. I found this to not be true in my case, but then again I trained like a maniac anyway. I did notice I recovered better, but for me, it was not to the point I could train much more than normal. I will say I probably overtrained less doing the same routine but being on.

The principles of training are the same on or off. When a lifter is on they may be able to train more often, and if they can, they should take advantage of it. It is still important to make training in the gym equal with recovery outside of it. It seems to me the drug-free lifter needs to be more in tune with their training and the enhanced lifter has a bigger margin for error. They can always kick up their enhancements to get more recovery if they need, but I do think there is a limit. Bottom line: in order for a lifter to meet their potential, they need to see their training as a whole, and it makes no difference if they are on or not. Just train smart.

I wrote this article for a few reasons but what really spurred it on was just hearing people talk so much crap about steroids. These people usually have never done it or know nothing about it. Steroids do not automatically make lifters strong and they definitely do not make greatness. I feel like some people use steroids as their excuse to not be great or strong. Instead of focusing on their own strength, they spend more time trying to break down what others accomplish. These same type people automatically think anyone accomplishing something great must be using steroids. If a shitty lifter goes on steroids, they are just a little less shitty. They do not all the sudden become great. If their training was good, to begin with, they would have been strong and the steroids would have enhanced it even more.

I have seen it so many times in my lifting career: guys that are on a ton of shit but still suck. I can't even count the number of them I have beaten when I was lifetime drug-free. I trained harder and I trained smarter. I worked the hell out of my technique. I lived powerlifting and made it my life. I never gave two shits what they were taking because I was too busy getting strong(er).

Steroids are called performance enhancing drugs for a reason. They enhance what you already have — and if what you have is shit, then you end up with enhanced shit! I admit there are top athletes all over the world that use steroids, but trust me, it is not the drugs that got them there. They would be top lifters and athletes even without them. They train smart and they train hard. Those athletes would find a way to the top no matter what because that's who they are.

Now, I am not trying to take anything away from drug-free lifters. In fact, because of what I did drug-free, I love seeing drug-free lifters push the limits, just like I enjoy seeing any limits pushed. I see it similar to how I look at gear: a lifter is a lifter. Some use gear and some don't. Some are on and some are not. I know what is good in gear and what is good raw. I know what is good on and what is good clean. I just don't like when people use gear or steroids as an excuse to explain someone’s accomplishments or to limit their own. With the new rise in raw lifting, I am seeing guys do lifts that not too long ago would have been thought impossible without gear. That shit is awesome and gets me excited about lifting. These lifters are not letting any preconceived idea stop them. All lifters should push the limits of however they choose to lift.

Again, I did not write this article to convince anyone to do or not do steroids. Personally, I don't care either way. I am not saying they are right or they are wrong. I think all that is a personal choice. If someone reading this is thinking about going on, I hope they will realize they are designed to enhance, and the better they get their training while they are clean, the better it will help in the end. Get better at every aspect of training you can before going on. At least this is what I believe.

If someone is already on, I recommend not completely relying on them. Just because you’re on does not mean any part of training is any less important. If you have decided to not use, just don't ever forget people have done crazy strong things drug-free. Never limit yourself. This is just my story and hopefully, I have brought up some points that will make people think a little. Mostly I hope all this motivates people to push themselves further than they ever thought possible. Lifters are lifters and impressive things like championships and records deserve respect, PERIOD.