Even after all my years in strength sports, there are still times I get seriously irritated when some people talk about steroids. There are so many misconceptions and preconceived ideas to go along with all the flat out incorrect information out there. It is extremely frustrating to keep seeing this for so many years. It is because of this that I have wanted to write about my personal experiences in this area for quite some time. I have not been able to because it is a bit taboo when you wish to have sponsorships or endorsements. It can cost an athlete a great deal and be a huge hassle to speak openly about steroids. Luckily at this point in my career, I really don't care anymore. I lift only for myself now and I am no longer looking for sponsorships or endorsements. I am actually just fine walking off into the desert and leaving all of any popularity I ever had behind me.
For this reason, I am free to say whatever I want and have no reason to lie about anything. I have always been truthful with anything I have said, and if I have to lie, I will just not say anything at all. I am glad to now have the opportunity to write about this subject and share what I feel is an interesting perspective due to how things worked out for me. It has been a journey with more than a few twists and turns that changed my perspective.
I think the best place to start is the beginning. As I have written, I grew up with a father that was big. He played high school football and threw the shot put. During some of the winters when work was slow, he lifted weights and I always wanted to go the gym with him. I still remember looking through his high school yearbooks and wanting to be a big strong guy. I always spent more time watching the lineman when I watched football. I wanted to be like the long ball hitters in baseball. I loved watching all the old strongman competitions on TV and anything to do with the biggest bodybuilders. Even with all this, I grew up knowing nothing about steroids. I didn't even know what they were.
RELATED: 4 Powerlifting Trump Cards You Should Hold Onto
It wasn't until after my freshman football season that I got serious about lifting. Even then, I always lifted alone in my basement so I still had no introduction to steroids. I was not like some of the kids whose parents could afford to let them train at public gyms. Sometime around junior year I began to hear more about steroids and the rumors of the kids on the team that were using them. This, of course, brought up all the questions about what they were, what they did, and if I needed to use them.
This was probably around the time there began a lot of press about how popular steroids were in college athletic programs and in the pros. So I began to research them and even wrote a paper on subject. Of course, so much of the information I read was government-funded bullshit. At the time I believed it and decided I would not use them. I never really even thought about if it was cheating or if it was right or wrong. I just decided it was not worth the risk of side effects and I would be successful without them. It was really that simple to me. Even when I got to college, I never really thought much about it. If I got beat, I never thought it was because my opponent was on steroids. If I got beat, to me it meant I needed to work harder and get better. By this point I knew the number of athletes who were using them and heard plenty of stories from athletes and coaches. For me it was just their choice to use them and my choice not to.
I continued to lift even when I had to stop throwing in college due to my chronic compartment syndrome. It was not until I was around 28 years old that I started competitive powerlifting. My thinking about steroids had not changed much. I still was not going to use them and I still did not really care if people used them or not — it was their business. I was more focused on how I was going to achieve what I wanted. Once I started competing, I did like that powerlifting had drug-free and non-tested federations, though. By this time, I knew there were tons of athletes, even in the Olympics, that were beating drug tests. But I thought, "why would a lifter bother with the drug test if they don’t have to?" I quickly learned there were still plenty of lifters that used in drug-tested federations and that the drug testing was pretty much a joke. I can say I actually got results mailed to me from many of the drug test I was required to take, and I guess that's something. None of this really bothered me, because I was still going to be a successful powerlifter and I was quickly passing most of those people doing steroids anyway.
As I kept gaining strength, I knew I wanted to squat a grand and everyone I told said I would have to get on. Even my training partners questioned if it could be done clean, but they were definitely with me for the long haul. It just did not matter to me what people thought. I knew I could do it or that I would give it everything I had trying.
So I continued training and continued to get stronger. I kept to my plan, which was to focus on myself and keep improving every meet. I studied, I learned, I thought, and I worked my ass off. I worked very hard on technique and understanding it. I worked very hard on my programming and making sure it was focused on fixing my weak links. I powerlifted 24/7 and my number one priority was powerlifting. Everything else in life was just what I had to do in order to keep lifting. My first national and world records came in 2002 in the AAPF and AWPC federations. These were the drug-free sides of the APF and WPC, which at the time were the biggest feds other than USAPL. They also became the gateway to the WPO, which was where I wanted to be.
My first world records were an 854-pound squat, 705-pound deadlift and 2061-pound total. I honestly did not feel these were respectable enough records and went about increasing them. By August of 2004,I took all the national and world records in those federations. I did a 1014-pound squat, 650-pound bench press, 710-pound deadlift, and a 2375-pound total at AWPC worlds. Plus I finished that meet after one of my epic crashes with a 1052-pound squat. On the descent I rolled over my shoe and thought I would just pull my leg in to get back on my foot. It did not work as well as I hoped, because I pulled my leg too far, only to come crashing to the floor. I was still able to finish the meet breaking records and it also made for a great video!
During that time I was also competing in non-tested meets. I was hungry for competition and was not really finding it in tested meets anymore. It did not matter if other lifters were using or not — I wanted to beat them anyway. Being clean should not be an excuse for not pushing the limits of yourself as far as possible.
Shortly after this meet is when everything on the subject of steroids changed drastically for me. The year leading up to this, I kept getting this rash on my shin and would get sick for a couple days. Per being me, I would blow it off and just kept going. I wrote it off as a spider bite or something simple like that. The last time it happened was shortly after AWPC Worlds and it was bad. The rash was all the way up past my knees and turned to blisters. The heat was so intense that on my lunch break I went to buy ice bags, which I taped to my legs at work.
That night I lost around 12 pounds and finally decided it was time to see a doctor. I got in the next day but by that time all the blisters were dry. The doctor still took cultures of what he could. He asked to run a bunch of blood work and even to test for HIV. All the cultures came back with very simple stuff everyone has on their skin.
Everything else came back clear except for one thing: that one thing that showed up wrong after all those test was that my testosterone level was 125. I was in disbelief along with my doctor. My doctor had thrown some Highland Games and knew who I was. My first question was how the hell is this possible? How the hell could I be so strong with a test level of a little girl? He was baffled but the test did not lie. He immediately put me on the testosterone gel. Within a week all my training partners were asking what was wrong with me. My response was, “What the hell are you talking about? I feel great” Basically, they wanted to know why I was so happy and in a good mood instead of being a crabby asshole. Turns out having low test levels makes you a crabby asshole!
I felt so much better and sleep even improved a tad bit. The rash and sickness never came back. All that was left was a small area on my shin were it must have scarred from the heat. At this point, I completely stopped all drug-tested meets despite my doc saying it was fine because my level were within normal ranges. It just did not seem right to me.
RELATED: Price of the Platform
I ended up being on the gel for a while until I started feeling pretty shitty. When we did blood tests again, I got my own copies like I always do. I realized I was converting the gel very badly and my estrogen level was way up. My test levels were pretty constant over this period — around 400, which I considered to still be low. Once I realized my estrogen was up, I figured it was time to just go on the needle. Of course I had issues with insurance, so it took a while to get it worked out. I ended up paying for my first bottle because I did not want to stay on the gel.
My doctor said the pharmacy would show me how to inject and give me needles. Well, they said the doctor had to do that. Pissed off, I just drove to another state to where I had a friend who showed me how to do it. It was a quite a bonding experience for us — a hysterical one. This is in no way a how-to, just a funny story.
So my friend showed me the prep and asked if I wanted him to inject or do it myself. Well, I figured I was going have to do it so there was no time like the present to start. He gave me this huge needle (at least it seemed huge at the time). I loaded the syringe and asked where I should stick it. He gave me a choice, from which I picked the thigh. I could not get my hand to just jam it in, so I kind of touched the needle against my skin and gave it a little push. My friend laughed and commented on my virgin skin! Maybe about a half inch in I asked how far I was supposed to push it in. He told me all the way, to which I replied “what the F#$%, I will hit my bone!”
He laughed hysterically and then finally said “Look at the size of those F@#$%^& thighs! You're not hitting any bones in those!” Okay, I pushed it all the way in and let go. I immediately started laughing and said, “Well, I am officially no longer clean!” I ended up finishing the injection and that was that. After all the shit with the doctor and the pharmacy, I knew I needed to see someone with more knowledge. I ended up going to a respected anti-aging doctor in our area.
The idea of taking steroids changed once I went on the gel. Hell, it is testosterone and that is the main steroid. It became serious once I did my first injection. I thought, "If I am injecting, I might as well think about taking it further." So I began doing some research and luckily had tons of access to many knowledgeable people. To my surprise, a lot of side effects I had read about in high school were not necessarily true. There were fewer reasons to not try experimenting more with it.
Part Two coming soon.
Steroid Policy
Public health officials have concluded that possible serious health problems exist that are associated with the misuse and/or abuse of performance enhancing drugs, including anabolic steroids. All athletes should rely on these messages in making all performance and health-related decisions.
EliteFTS believes that all athletes should be guided by the conclusions of health officials and medical professionals regarding the health effects of performance enhancing drugs, including anabolic steroids, when deciding whether or not to incorporate these substance in their training regimens.
4 Comments