Man is Wolf to Man

Men are not gentle creatures who want to be loved. We are, on the contrary, instinctively aggressive. This aggression is often directed toward other humans (sorry, neighbor). It’s in our DNA. We can’t help it, and we sure as hell shouldn’t fight it. But if we can better understand it, I’d argue that we’d all be happier for it.

Have you ever wondered why you train better with a partner? It’s because, subconsciously, you’re viewing your lifting buddy as not only a potential helper but also someone who tempts you to satisfy your aggression. Deep down you need to lift more than him, you need to humiliate him, you need to cause him pain. These feelings are normal and generally exclusive to the Y chromosome crowd.

Narcissism

Freud called this behavior the “narcissism of minor differences.” It’s this narcissistic aggression that fuels our ego making us believe that we’re superior even when we aren't. This slight narcissism drives us to take aggressive action against those who we view as slightly different.

Keep in mind, I’m not talking about some freak of nature with purple hair and a bone through his nose. I’m talking about someone who is a shadowy reflection of ourselves. This guy drinks the same beer, is attracted to the same chicks, and more often than not, trains the same way we do.

An example of this occurred just the other day. I walked into the gym and there was some knucklehead squatting in the power cage—my power cage! The encounter went like this:

Me: "Squatting, huh?”

Him: "Yeah."

Me. "Cool. Mind if I work in?"

Him: "Sure."

Me: "Low bar or high bar?”

Him: “Low.”

Me: "Nice. Me too. Are you doing Wendler or Starting Strength?"

Him:"‘Wendler."

Me: “Ditto. Belt or no belt?”

Him: "Belt."

Me: "Same here. Knee wraps or no wraps?"

Him: "No wraps."

Me: “Good deal. We have a lot in common.”

Him: “Yep. Mind if I use a barbell pad?"

Me (kicking him in the balls): “Die heretic scum.”

OK, maybe the last sentence was a bit of an embellishment, but that’s what I wanted to do. That, my friends, is narcissism of minor differences. It’s a behavior that’s burned into the double helix of our souls, the idea that our way is the only way.

Seek and Destroy

We are built the same as our forefathers. You're designed to be on a constant seek and destroy mission. You're a primitive detective looking for the smallest, tinniest difference between yourself and others and, when you find it, a switch goes off in your head and…wait for it…wait for it…nothing…that’s right…absolutely nothing happens. This is a uniquely contemporary outcome. Fifty years ago when the switch got flipped, your pops and his crew would be donnybrooking some unfortunate soul. Now we smile and extend a hand. It’s pathetic when you really think about it. We can thank the world that we live in for this type of pleasant social evolution.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that is weak and overly litigious. It has singlehandedly crushed our primal instincts and robbed us of our right to humiliate weaker men. You’re probably asking yourself, "What does all this psycho babble have to do with training?" It turns out quite a lot. Because for many of us, the weight room offers salvation. It provides us with a stage to exercise our inalienable right to humiliate others.

Heal with Steel

You’ve probably heard the term "heal with steel." That’s what we’re aiming to do. The gym allows us to quiet the stirrings of the ghost in the machine. It lets us snicker at the guy doing curls on a Bosu ball, which helps us feel better about ourselves and stalls an inevitable nervous breakdown.

Men need to start looking at lifting as a form of psychotherapy. The sooner you admit to yourself that the act of emasculating some dweeb in the weight room is appealing, the sooner you’ll feel whole again. If ideas like these make me a jerk, so be it. I’ll still sleep at night. Regardless of your opinion of this behavior, it’s a necessary evil for men to function, and the fact is I’m infinitely happier when I get to express my aggression in the gym. You probably feel the same way and now you know why.