Weight Room Lessons from the Ladies

Yes, you’re on the right site—this is elitefts™. The title may have thrown you off, but you didn’t type in the wrong URL and end up on Lifetime online. No sob stories, weeping housewives, or man hating going on. Never fear, your wife isn't here.

While not as uncomfortable as spending an afternoon watching chick flicks and melodramas (that goddamn Gray’s Anatomy), this article is about to gently nudge you out of your comfort zone. You might have to face a few truths that you aren’t ready to believe. That’s OK though, because when we get uncomfortable, we learn—even if the lessons are from the most unlikely of sources.

Take heed to the next 2000 words or so—they hold some valuable lessons from our female training counterparts.

Disclaimer: This article doesn't apply nor is it in reference to the forty-five year old, spandex clad ladies at your local fitness center. It’s also not about the cardio bunnies at your local commercial or college gym. I’m talking about women who truly train.

1. Patience

Delaying gratification is a lost art. Instantly, we can have almost anything we want or need—from porn to a burrito (maybe both at the same time; gitty up!). There isn’t a protective barrier around the weight room. The problem persists in even the most sacred of sanctuaries and even with experienced lifters and coaches, a problem that seems exacerbated by healthy levels of testosterone. Patience for achieving goals is in short supply.

I’ve had male clients tell me that my programs aren’t working because they didn’t put thirty pounds on their bench in three sessions. One Monday session two weeks into training started out like this:

Me: Hey, man. How are you feeling today?

Male client: Your program sucks.

Me: And a good morning to you, too.

Male client: Yea, man. I thought my bench would be way better by now.

Me: Well, you’ve only trained with me three times. Two of those times were lower body.

Male client: See, that’s what I’m saying. We need to bench more. I want to bench 350 by March.

Me: But you only bench 200 right now and it’s January 27.

Exaggeration aside, adaptation takes time, and female trainees seem to have a better grasp on that. Most women come to me for fat loss. When I explain to them that reaching their goal of being under a certain body fat percentage will take X amount of time, more often than not, they buy into it. I’m all for setting lofty goals, but you have to give yourself time to achieve them.

Lesson learned: Any goal worth achieving takes time. Don’t expect dramatic changes over night and be patient.

2. Sticking with a program

If you can’t last the amount of time between two menstruations before you change your program, you have a problem. It’s called program whoring. Program whoring (the inability to stick with a program) is a direct result of being impatient.

Apart from setting a goal and being able to see the course through, sticking with a chosen program in faith that it will get us where we want to be is tough for many of us sporting hang downs. Many times we jump ship for a sexier program that has more razzle dazzle when it isn’t necessary. It’s a consequence of a self-defeating mentality that results in looking outward at other people rather than examining ourselves independently, paying attention to what others are doing instead of examining our own needs.

I’m not going to bullshit you and tell you that women don’t do the exact same thing. It isn't any secret that the heels, lipstick, and makeup they sport are more often than not for the other broads they’ll see, not us. But that’s OK. There’s nothing wrong with a skirt and a little lipstick—even if it isn't for me.

But the patience that ladies have in the weight room carries over to their ability to stick with a program. Something in their intellect drives them to see the course through rather than worrying about whether or not they're vascular and their bench has moved thirty pounds. They want to finish what they’ve started, a quality that my grandpa took pride in. When it comes to the iron house, many women are doing a better job of this than we are. I know that this isn’t true for all women, but it is for many that I’ve seen.

It’s true that we aren’t all program whoring. I’m proud to be among the ranks of the pure. Hopefully, you’re a purist as well. But like tuberculosis, program whoring is making a comeback.

Lesson learned: Stay the course and see your program through. You’ll be much closer to reaching your goal.

3. Learning and maintaining form

How much ya bench? Remember that skit from Saturday Night Live? I’m sure you’ve been bombarded with that question over your training career. Well, that and "Yo, dude, do you drink protein shakes?"

What’s funny is I’m guessing it isn't often that people ask you how you bench. Technique isn’t of interest—just your numbers. It’s a perpetual pissing contest. Dudes want a barometer to measure themselves against.

You hear about Joey Bag O’Donuts? Yea, he only benches 275. Pussy.

It either reinforces our belief that we're the hardest son of a bitch on the planet or it gives us something to bitch about. Women trainees, however, obsess over form. It’s a constant game of reference and reinforce, with the medium being the question “Am I doing this right?” Call it insecurity if you like, but there's something to be acknowledged here.

To push or pull big numbers, construct a body you can be proud of, and stay healthy while training, you have to learn and maintain good form. Apart from competition where effort trumps form, we should always be focused on using the best technique possible. It’s a concept many forget in lieu of crushing plates and eating steaks—an idea that is silly and short-sighted.

Your goal, if it isn’t already, should be to be in this for the long haul. Putting 100 pounds on any of your lifts in a year is a rarity. If it happens, it’s usually the result of cleaning up technique. Be preemptive. Rather than waiting for corrective criticism, ask the question, “Did that look alright?”

Lesson learned: Obsess over form and master technique.

4. Pushing yourself

This might piss you off, but there are a lot of women out there who are tougher than you. Yes, it’s true. I’m not talking about Becca Swanson either. You probably passed ten chicks during your travels this week that could outlast you—not just in the sack.

Both as a player and a coach, I’ve seen many men and women train. I went through countless early morning conditioning sessions during spring football in college. In return, I’ve put female athletes through brutal early morning conditioning. If some of the guys I played with (including myself at times) would have put the effort into training that was put into bitching about it, they would have made much more progress. Sometimes it sounded like a Barbara Walters-sponsored bitch fest on the couch of The View.

The sound during the majority of the conditioning sessions done by my female athletes was in stark contrast to that during our football conditioning. It was a combination of crickets and heavy breathing.

Rather than waste their energy complaining, they worked. Granted, female athletes have a different mindset than your typical housewife personal training client. But the fact remains that they have a seemingly innate ability to push themselves. The possibility of eventually popping out kids like a Pez dispenser may increase the female pain threshold, giving them a slight advantage. But that doesn’t account for the almost exclusively male avoidance of pain in fear of failure. Forget about it.

Lesson learned: Forget about the pain and the outcome. Live in the moment while you train and push yourself.

5. Keeping perspective and having fun

Besides being engrossed with a sense of achievement, fun is why we train, right? There are thousands of other activities we could choose to fill our time with (special emphasis on the fact that it’s a choice). Yet year after year we show up at the gym to hoist iron. Sure, it could be an obsession with aesthetics or a quest to be the strongest man on earth, but there isn't any sense in doing something over and over again if you aren’t enjoying yourself. Training should be rewarding.

Ladies get it. I’m not sure what the deal is. They might have Cyndi Lauper playing on a loop inside their heads, but girls who train are always having a good time. Rather than brow gazing and turning their iPods up to eleven, ladies laugh and encourage each other. I’m not saying that you need to grab ass with your training partner and talk about which Twilight movie you thought was hottest, but infuse your training with some fun. The best way to do that is by issuing and responding to challenges.

Think about it. How many times while you’ve been lifting has one of your buddies turned to you and said, “Dude, I bet you can’t…” It’s our nature to be oppositional, so the response is usually to the tune of, “Not only can I do that, but I’ll whip your ass at it.” Well, put your money where your mouth is and step up to the challenge.

Unlike women, we don’t just want to have fun—we want to compete. I don’t know about you, but to me, competition is much more fun than talking. Keep the perspective that you choose to be in the gym and then choose to have fun by making your training a continuous series of challenges. That is if you’re willing to find out what you’re made of.

Lesson learned: Training is a choice, so challenge yourself and have fun with it!

6. Letting go of ego

The previous six points are all predicated on this one. As males, we inherently have big egos—it’s evolution, baby! Our egos make the world go round. Egos built the Eiffel Tower, fulfilled Manifest Destiny, and gave your dad the gumption to give your mom the business. Thanks, pops!

The problem with ego is that it manifests itself in a lot of different ways. Sometimes we react positively, but other times, it holds us back.

Picture a mime caught behind an invisible wall. He keeps feeling with his hands, but he can’t put his finger on why he can’t go forward. Now put yourself in the place of the mime, but rather than picture an invisible wall in front of you, think of the mental blocks your ego has built. To make real progress, you must destroy the mental blocks and put your ego back in balance.

Whether we want to admit it or not, the main blockage is fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, and fear of inadequacy dance torturously at the back of our minds, telling us to protect ourselves. I say bullshit.

Women trainees have much less of a problem with this than we do, at least when it comes to training. They get that they aren’t the strongest, the hottest, or the fittest, but they damn sure put the effort into getting there while enjoying the process. Most of them aren’t afraid of the fact that they might not get there. The ones I’ve seen just go forward.

I’m not here to give a "rah rah" speech (I’m not even saying that you need one), but if a 120-pound woman can get past the anxiety invoked by sharing training space with 250-pound behemoths, you don't have any excuse but to forget about what you’re afraid of, especially if the fear is of failure or perception.

The first step is to realize that you aren’t a big deal. Well, unless you’re Will Ferrell. Then you are a big deal (but I’m guessing he isn’t a regular elitefts™ reader). That’s the conflict. We're just dudes who like to train—for strength, for looks, and for fun. It’s not that big of a deal. Once you realize that you are just a regular guy who loves to train, your ego will fade. Then, my friend, you’ll make real progress.

Lesson learned: Forget about your ego.

Conclusion

I’m not here to be pro-estrogen—my God that sounds awful. But the devil’s advocate approach along with a few tough to face lessons puts us in the frame of mind to progress. Be patient, work hard, and let go of your ego. And don’t be a little girl about it.