AWESOME 

You little fucking shiny star you. You- being THEE most dedicated, motivated, brightest little crayon in the box probably trained on Thanksgiving, Easter, and possibly Labor day weekend as well.

Well fuck me, how the fuck did you manage to train on a day when 99% of people in the world had at least a 3 day weekend, if not a whole week off? I mean seriously how did you sneak away for two WHOLE hours in that 96-hour time frame. You must be some sneaky ninja, or you made a paper machete mold of your head and fluffed up some blankets to look like you slept in at granny house while she prepared dinner.

Here is what may have happened, you are so hardcore you went out to the garage- grabbed your bag (packed with all kinds of badassery) walked right in the living room during the package opening portion of Christmas and said IDGAF I'm going to train. On the way out you chugged the rest off the eggnog and kicked over the tree. RIGHT?

I know- I know you live this, eat- shit- breathe- training it's in your blood, your DNA is prework, your bones are made up of iron, and you only see the top, and your heart pumps creatine. Nothing or no one will stop you from the gainZ. Not even jolly ol' St Nick can stop you from walked out ass to grass squats, hell no- you gotz goalz.

At the Gym

You get there, music blasting, Christmas music? No way man- you got that heavy ass new Justin Bieber joint on, and you are IN YOUR ZONE!  Ok, check in on FB- check, post parking lot selfie-check, walk in. Post selfie in gym showing how you are only one there and you are a fucking savage lion roaring in your habitat. Comment on selfie " squat racks wide open." You go through 75 minutes of foam rolling and mobility, cause you know someday you may have to do the splits at a competition.

Training 

You warmed up enough to roll yourself into a fucking pretzel on command at this point. You work up to 3 plates for a sick ass 3x3 and post a sweaty selfie (I'd be sweaty from stretching for an hour and a half too) and let peeps know YOU AINT FUCKING AROUND, and 2018 is YOURZ!!!

You skip accessories, like always- post 13 more updates, only to get home to post 15 pictures of everything you ate, adding words like recovery, gainz, 2018 I'm coming for you and anything else you tweeds like to say these days.

Reality 

You're a clown, and not even like Barnum and Bailey, Nah your like a fucking birthday clown who puts ads on craigslist for $40 bucks an hour, and can only accept the job if your probation officer says its ok. I hate to break it to you, but you ain't shit -you found two hours to go to the gym when the rest of us find that same two hours  5 times a week. 12 months a YEAR, you fucking dweeb.

I hope the next time you post some stupid shit like that, your jerk off hand gets ran over by a reindeer Merry Christmas asshole.