Beyond the Competition?

I don't know why, but every now and again at 1:30 AM I bolt upright in bed and wonder "Why I'm doing what I'm doing?" No, not the thinking about not sleeping, but more like why do I go to the gym everyday to push my body to it's current day's limit? Why do I ACT as if I'm still in prep? Seriously, I'm not competing at anything, I'm not stepping up on a stage to show anything, and I'm certainly not prepping to play Linebacker for the Oakland Raiders. (although I secretly still would consider it if the offers came in at the right number) But why do I make my body push so hard there are always some sort of ache or pain? I jest that I don't really exercise as much as I exorcize (demons) and that's why I punish myself. Perhaps it's something farther inside than I can't recognize, or is it at the surface and it's the only thing I've ever known? I think for me, it's the idea of not letting age and mediocrity creep into my psyche. I'm familiar with it, and feels like something I have always had and can hang onto, especially with a fast changing world that at times seems so distant to my way of thinking and that I let get to me. Over the next few weeks I am going to take stock of what I am feeling and try to communicate it here with a sense of humor and truth. For now, I am another day happy with doing the following: Dynamic Effort Bench: 8x3x56% Incline DB Press: 4x15x80 Blast Strap Push Ups: 100 reps in as few sets as possible Pec Minor Press (dips w/o bending the elbow) Shoulder depression and elevations with the chin down: 100 reps in as few sets as possible Dumb Bell Lateral Raise: 4x10x40 Rear Delt Raise C/S: 4x10x20 Shrugs: 4x10x405 4 way neck: 3x12x3.0