Please excuse typo's, spelling errors and other mistakes. My grammar was bad to begin with and now that I can post these from my phone...well... it's not going to improve.
For close to a year now there have been MANY more training sessions I didn't want to do, didn't like to do and certainly didn't enjoy. I did them simply because that is just... what I do.
Over the years I have questioned why and have come up with different answers. As I have aged and lost limbs I have come up with even different answers and now some regrets. I guess this is what being a washed up meathead is all about. Over the past three decades of training I have had many dry spells where I didn't make gains, didn't like to train but in all the years, all the mistakes, injuries and set backs I never wanted to quit. Ya, I missed some sessions, changed training days, created programs to better fit my life but never once in my life have I ever considered never training again.
Actually that thought alone scares the shit out of me.
The past few weeks are why I never quit. This has been without a doubt my longest dry spell of "not liking or wanting to train". I mean I really didn't want to train and had to force myself to get in 3-2 or 1 session per week. The last few weeks the passion to train has come back with a vengeance.
Whatever THIS is - IS why I TRAIN!
I am not my strongest, I am not my biggest, I am not my leanest, I am not holding more muscle than I ever have. I'm not even sure I give a shit about any of that right now. I used to think these things were "driving forces" why I trained. I always knew they were not the main reason. I know that is simply because I am just wired this way, but I did think they mattered. Now I know they don't.
They way I feel when I am training right now I can't define nor do I care to. It's mine and I freakin' love it! Now as I move forward I will work toward one of the goals listed but not because I have to, or because of some major reason. It will be because I want to. I don't "need" to reach any of these goals. I will "want" to. I have nothing to prove to anyone and I have known that for years but I think now
I am finally beginning to see I have nothing to prove to myself. This is not about validation or needing to be better or push harder. It about wanting to do what I love to do.
I have always been told in business a man in need is a despite one who will make stupid and unwise moves, while a man who wants is the one who will last the longest and make smarter moves. Perhaps training is the same. Maybe this is what being a Washed Up Meathead is supposed to be.
Who the hell knows? After 35 years I'm still trying to figure this out. [caption id="attachment_103484" align="alignleft" width="442"]
I guess when most of my best work is done at this desk... need I really say more?[/caption]
