Training - Thoughts pt.1

I have been doing my best at keeping my job, spending all the free time I have with my kids and family, and doing absolutely nothing when it comes to training...I mean nothing. I have to be the worst coach on here, at least from the stand point of posting logs, training, giving a crap about my health, etc. And i offer no excuse...none. If I'm fat and out of shape it's because of me. If I don't post anything it's because of me. If i choose to eat like garbage everyday it's because I chose to do so. I don't spend time writing or even really thinking about where I used to be...well i think about it but i don't get all depressed, I don't regret. I also know that I can never go back to what strength i used to be. I mean it's doable in my mind and i know that I have the physicality to do so but when I think about what I would have to sacrifice to get there it's not worth it to me. I have been struggling these past couple years wondering when I should start back up, what would be the goal, do I really want to do it again(train heavy), etc. The last time I competed was 2014; doesn't seem that long ago but where I am at now with life and body, that is a whole world away. The last time I really competed(meaning at a top level) was 2012, right before my then current world/reality crumbled away and changed forever....tbc...