I'm thirty days sober today; I deleted all my social media a month ago. Nah- this isn't the whole you should do it too soapbox sermon. It's more a where I'm at, what I'm on, and my plans (lifting wise).

Where I'm at

When I started competing, I was training at LA Fitness. I was hungry (insert fat boy joke). A few weeks before deleting Instagram I scrolled all the way back to my first post, a squat video. It was me squatting (700 lbs) walked out of a rickety rack, with a whippy typical commercial gym bar- I hit it for three reps. That post five years later had only twenty-three likes- six of which were training partners.

I remember the feeling I had in my gut back then; I was mad, I wore a belt that said "Nobody" because although I knew I was going to make some noise, I was just that, a nobody. I wanted to be good, fuck who am I kidding I wanted to be great, and I was willing to do what it took to achieve that, good bad and everything in between.

I hated that I trained at LA Fitness, even though I trained with my brothers Jimmy, Dano, and Andy- they might not know it due to my arrogant nature, but I learned so much from those three, and they had a tremendous part of me becoming the caliber lifter I am today. Plus Jimmy used to bring me breakfast; I love you for that fam.

See, I wanted to be great; I can't lie I wanted an ATWR squat, not for likes, not for shares, but for my people, my city, for the Midwest. I was just a kid from the gutter who found shelter from the streets in a squat rack. I ultimately found myself at jacked hardcore a powerlifting gym almost two hours from that LA on the southside.

That's when it happened, I met Ernie Lilliebridge Sr. and was invited to train with them. The cocktail of training with the Lilliebridges, getting "sponsored" by slingshot, and hitting some decent numbers (2143) at the backyard meet of the century in Sacramento, I was tossed into a whirlwind of social media followers and "fans." I made it (I cringed typing that) the nobody belt was in the garage collecting dust.

At some point, I leveled off and was over the whole hype of being "internet famous" and was on track, the second coming of social media issues was now at the forefront. I would get so pissed off looking at everyone's dick riding, attention seeking, fake online personas. I would bitch and complain, rant and rave when I could save so much energy by merely deleting these things from my life. So I did.

See, when this (lifting) is all said and done, there is one list- the all-time list. As of right now, there isn't a list of who had the most followers, the most viewers while going live, top likes, top shares, but you'd think there was the way some of these grown men and women stay active. I want my total to be why I remembered, not my arguing with some clown online, or that I had 10k followers on IG.

What I'm on

I'm on an offseason, I've been training four days a week and haven't even touched a barbell since March 3rd. Two back days during the week, and legs and chest on the weekend. Higher volume, mixed with short rest times has my work capacity building pretty good, with the weather breaking finally it's easier to get outside and be more active.

I'm sitting right at 360 and have been for a few weeks. We're making small changes as needed, in hopes to be able to reverse engineer a bulk back to 375-380 for my next comp. We want to get there without having to bloat, alleviating all the water I hold in hope to hit a big third attempt pull in a big meet, this is holding me back- 800 lbs is cutting it anymore.

We've incorporated a ton of new movements for me; we found my lower back is as about as strong as a high school band members. When these twelve weeks are completed, we will put the work to the test and start getting back under a bar and see what worked and what didn't. I'm thankful to have someone who cares and is smart(er) than me helping me piece things together.

I've been thinking about a push pull to see what we can do about my hands after a big bench if things go well over the next couple months I will, and then I'd start training for the Arnold after that. I'm from Chicago (my hometown babe), and a three-peat sounds like a solid plan.

My Plans

Fuck, I don't know- naturally, a 2300 lb total is a must. Long term, I could see a 2400 total, and me just leaving my gym bag at the venue and riding off into the sunset. I'll always be at the gym, it's part of who I am, but I want to be that fat old guy telling some younger kids "back in my day," but being honest about my 1000 lb squat and 600 lb bench.

I hate people, but I like helping people, talk about a real catch 22. Who knows one day maybe I'll coach, perhaps I'll step on stage, maybe I'll end up on the front porch with the love of my life eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and watching grandkid's step in my flower beds. One thing I've learned in four decades on this big ass rock is this, you never know what tomorrow brings, and that's if tomorrow ever comes.

The earth calls us all back one day; you have to find what makes you happy, and what makes you angry and adjust accordingly. Nothing is set in stone, hard work pays off, under the bar, at work, in life. The gym has taught me that, when I feel I'm ready to pass on, that will be the core of my lessons.